


and we meet again.

by softyjseo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Heart, Broken Promises, EXO - Freeform, EXO OT9, Falling In Love, Gay, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Love, Lu Han Leaves EXO, M/M, MAMA Awards, Mentioned Choi Minho, Mentioned EXO, Mentioned Kim Namjoon | RM, Mentioned Kim Seokjin | Jin, Mentioned Lee Taemin, Mentioned Lee Taeyong, Mentioned Lu Han, Mentioned Oh Sehun, Mentioned Park Jisung (NCT), Mentioned Seo Youngho | Johnny, Oh Sehun-centric, i mentioned a lot of idols ok, jongin is best friend goals, mentioned kris, mentioned tao, minseok is in military cry, not an alternative universe, too many tags i apologize, we love exo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-28 23:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softyjseo/pseuds/softyjseo
Summary: watching luhan present an award wasn't that big a deal. sehun felt his heart race, sure. but he didn't let it get to him. until exo actually won the award, and it all spiraled from there.aka the one where after five years of not talking sehun and luhan talk again.





	and we meet again.

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey hey
> 
> i know its 2018 and its been 4!!! years since Luhan left (i wasn't even in the fandom back then what a shame) but i started reading this ship two months ago and really wanted to write something for them so here we are. i promise it's better than the mess of tags or my summary, please give it a shot. 
> 
> i love uuu
> 
> x d.

****

It was weird.

In all those years of separation, somewhat awkward phone conversations in the beginning and after a while just utter silence, trying to stay friends or at least keep a _bit_ of contact alive between the ex-members and the members, Sehun never once stopped thinking about Luhan.

Whenever he watched the other male on a television show, or came across one of his Instagram photos or he’d hear his music somewhere, he’d feel the same flutter of his heart and the jump of his gut as he had felt when he had first met the older.

So, for all of a sudden to realize that it was actually him on that stage and the fact that EXO was most likely going to win the Album of the Year award, Sehun feels the anxiety starting to run through his body.

It wasn’t the same anxiety he had felt during their first award show. It wasn’t the same anxiety he had felt during their debut stage and it sure as hell didn’t feel like the anxiety of the night he confessed to Luhan, but somehow and for some reason it got the maknae shaking in his seat.

‘’is everything okay?’’ Junmyeon, sweet sweet Junmyeon, asks Sehun, a worried look on his face. Sehun turns to look at the older and smiles, hoping the fakeness of it doesn’t show all too clearly.

‘’just nervous.’’ Sehun shrugs, making Junmyeon nod in understanding. He bought it. ‘’we’ll be fine.’’ It seems as if though the other members don’t have a problem with the fact that Luhan is the one up there, talking into the microphone with that darned envelope in his hand. With his members acting as if nothing can go wrong and everything will be fine, Sehun opts for looking around the arena.

This time MAMA is being held in a slightly bigger arena than last year. The fans have more seats and the artists have more legroom, and while the stage is bigger and the award show lasts even longer than years prior, Sehun can’t bring himself to give a rats ass because all he could hear was Luhan’s voice through the microphone.

Taking him out of his trance is a finger poking his shoulder, making Sehun turn around. He’s met with Jisung Park, the youngest out of all the NCT members so far, and Sehun can find in him to give the young boy a real smile.

‘’isn’t that Luhan-sunbaenim?’’ Sehun internally groans, the older of the two hoping for a distraction instead of questions. He nods, though, and smiles.

‘’yeah, that’s him.’’

‘’that’s so cool!’’ and with that, Jisung is being pulled away by Taeyong. Sehun offers him a smile and a wave, before turning back towards the stage.

‘’this year’s nominees for Album of The Year are: BTS, EXO, GFRIEND, Twice and NCT 127!’’ Luhan’s voice almost gets drowned out by the amount of screams and chants that can be heard from the crowd, every fan cheering for their respective idols. The tension in the arena rises as Luhan quiets down the crowd, and Sehun can feel himself and his other members move in their seats.

‘’This year’s winner of the Album of The Year award, with a whopping amount of forty-three percent of the votes, is,’’ Luhan stops, fiddling to open the tiny box that had been pushed in his hands during his little introduction, and Sehun smiles fondly while the crowd waits.

‘’EXO!’’ Sehun feels his body fill itself with relief, standing up and huddling together with his members to give a group hug. The fans go absolutely wild as the eight members, Minseok performing his military service, arise from the Idol section and walk to the stage. From up close, Sehun can see Luhan’s smile faltering while his ex-members approach him to collect an award he should be winning with them, and Sehun’s heart breaks at the sight.

He swallows, stopping in his step to stand next to his leader. Junmyeon shakes Luhan’s hand, thanking him for the award. Everyone bows, and Luhan bows back before retreating backstage. Sehun turns his head, trying to catch one last glance of the boy he was so head over heals in love with five years ago, and is surprised to see that Luhan is looking at him too.

 

It was a Saturday night. Kyungsoo and Jongin had convinced everyone except for Sehun, Luhan and Junmyeon to join them to the movies, leading to the dorm being surprisingly quiet. Sehun and Luhan were seated on Sehun’s bed, a laptop in between them as they watched some YouTube video Luhan had found.

Sehun glanced at Luhan every so often, relishing in the older his presence, his beautiful formed face focused on the screen in front of them. Sehun admired the slope of Luhan’s nose, the lips he wanted to kiss so badly, the eyes he had drowned in a multitude of times silently.

Sehun watched as Luhan chuckled at something in the video, and he faked a giggle to convince Luhan that he was actually watching the video, not staring at him instead.

‘’I can see you staring, Sehunie.’’ _Well shit._

‘’I wasn’t!’’ Sehun had yelped, scooting further away from Luhan, almost falling off the bed. Luhan chuckled, turning his head now fully to look at Sehun. A sly sile made its way onto Luhan’s face, and Sehun visibly shivered because of it.

‘’judging from your reaction, you’re lying.’’

It had all spiralled from there. Sehun confessed to Luhan that night, not caring about anything else as Luhan kissed him without saying anything. They were in heaven for a short while, the noise of Junmyeon waking up from his nap in the living room combined with the other members coming home causing quite the ruckus and breaking them out of their little bubble.

Exactly two months filled with stolen kisses, hands where they weren’t supposed to be, sneaking around the dorm and cuddling together whenever they could, Luhan was gone. Following in Yifan’s footsteps, he left SM entertainment with the intention of never coming back.

 

As the members all leave the stage, Sehun feels an arm snake around his waist. He doesn’t have to look to know that it’s Jongin, a smile on the older his face. Jongin is the only person who knows about what went down with Sehun and Luhan, how the older just left Sehun without an explanation.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Jongin whispers into Sehun’s ear, and Sehun softly nods, a breath leaving his mouth that he didn’t know he was holding.

‘’I’m fine, don’t worry.’’ Except, Sehun isn’t fine. Luhan had looked so _ethereal_ on that stage, so beautiful with his fitted suit, his hair styled in a slight quiff and his make up just right. It had physically pained the maknae thinking about it, all the while listening and nodding along to Junmyeon’s speech.

‘’You don’t look okay.’’ Jongin retorts, his arm shifting to Sehun’s shoulder as they walk back into the idol section. Before Sehun can say something back, they’re surrounded by other idols congratulating them. Sehun smiles and politely bows, nodding along to what people are saying. He lets Luhan slip from his mind for a while, his focus on the award show at hand once again.

It doesn’t last long. While usually EXO skips the after party to get home and rest, Chanyeol comes with the brilliant idea to stay and drink at least something before leaving. While Sehun, Jongin and Baekhyun protest, Junmyeon, Yixing, Kyungsoo and Jongdae agree which gives them the majority vote, leaving Sehun, Jongin and Baekhyun to trail behind them as they walk through the doors of the party.

‘’let’s stick together, yeah?’’ Jongin whispers in Sehun’s ear, and Sehun nods while gratefully linking their arms together. They make it to the bar without any trouble, and are interrupted from drinking their first sip by BTS’ Namjoon and Seokjin.

‘’congrats on the win guys!’’ Sehun gives them a smile, and they hug each other while Jongin retorts with a ‘you too!’, congratulating them on the win of their Artist of the Year award. Namjoon and Jongin make small talk for a bit while Seokjin and Sehun converse about the beautiful performances of the night, before Sehun spots the sliding doors on the other side of the hall opening and someone walking in.

He politely excuses himself and Jongin before walking further away from the doors. ‘’what’s wrong?’’ Jongin asks, putting his drink down on one of the tables close by.

‘’I just spotted Luhan-hyung walking in.’’ Jongin swiftly turns his head in the direction of the door, making Sehun groan because Jongin isn’t the most _subtle_ person he’s ever met, and sighs.

‘’he’s like, kilometres away from you Sehunnie. You won’t have to talk to him at all.’’ Sehun knows that his friends’ words are supposed to comfort him, but he can only feel his heart clench.

‘’what if I want to, though?’’ Sehun whispers. He knows he sounds absolutely stupid, but the idea of finally speaking to Luhan again makes him all too hopeful.

Their last conversation had been on the day Luhan stayed behind in Beijing after getting injured. It was a brief goodbye, Sehun had thought he’d see Luhan again after the older recovered, but nothing could have been more wrong.

‘’Sehun don’t start that now. You’ve been doing extremely well without him for the past four, almost five, years.’’ Sehun rolls his eyes, but deep inside he _knows._ He knows he’s been doing well without Lehun. It took him a year to get used to the fact that Lehun wasn’t going to be there whenever he ran around the stage. It took him a few months to wake up without wanting to cry because Luhan wasn’t there.

Sehun knows that Jongin is trying to protect him, trying to keep his heart from breaking again. But he so _desperately_ wants to walk up to the older and greet him, smile at him and maybe even _hug_ him if he’s lucky.

Sehun nods, making sure Jongin knows that he won’t go to Luhan. He instead looks around the hall, spotting multiple people already leaving. The hall is decorated with soft gold accents around the room, the theme of MAMA this year. White vases with fake gold plants in them are placed around the room, and a large portion of the room is sectioned off as the dance floor. While idols are dancing around and laughing, Sehun scans the crowd for one face and one face only.

His heart stops and sinks to the floor the second he spots Luhan. From this distance, the other side of the bar, Sehun can tell that the older had aged second to none appearance wise. He still has that youthful face, his dyed blonde hair standing up in a quiff that reminds Sehun of that one time where the stylists went crazy on Luhan’s hair right before their concert in Tokyo.

Sehun’s heart aches as Luhan stands up, placing his hand on someone’s shoulder, smiling before walking off. Sehun’s eyes keep watching Luhan’s back as he walks away, and he sighs before turning around to look at Jongin again.

‘’I am going to get some fresh air.’’ Before Jongin can even reply, Sehun stands up from where he’s sitting and walks towards the hallway. He climbs the flights of stairs before swinging open a door revealing a small roof terrace.

The skyline of the city of Hong Kong makes Sehun’s breath catch in his throat, the man walking towards the railing and leaning on top of it, letting out a sigh of despair and awe as he watches the cars drive by from under him.

He knows he’s being ridiculous. He knows that hoping for Luhan to talk to him even once tonight is a known fable, but he hates it. He hates how they were so close, never apart for more than a few days and always relishing in the moments when they weren’t apart, and Luhan just dropped it.

He hates how whenever he closes his eyes a little too long, all he sees is Luhan’s smile. It’s been almost five years, he should be over it by now. But for some reason Luhan had nestled his roots in Sehun’s heart, the roots ever growing until they became a full fledged tree even after Luhan had taken his leave.

It broke Sehun’s heart, for sure. He remembers being hit with the news of Luhan’s departing three days before it was scheduled to happen. It was as if someone had forcefully grabbed his heart and ripped it out, taking his emotions with them.

Sehun doesn’t know how long he’s been standing there, letting his thoughts drown him and his eyes scan the skyline over and over, until he hears the door open and close softly behind him. he doesn’t turn around, for he expects Jongin to yell at him for just getting up and leaving, or Chanyeol telling him to get his ass back downstairs because the party is just getting started, but he’s met with silence.

He hears footsteps, but Sehun still doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t quite care whether or not if it’s someone he knows, someone he should turn his face to and at least politely bow, because this is his moment of self-wallow and no one gets to interrupt that.

Unless your name is Luhan, of course.

‘’did I disturb you?’’ Sehun can recognize that voice from anywhere. He shivers a little, letting the honking of traffic beneath them carry the silence. His throat clenches, and Sehun is barely able to breath as he realizes that Luhan had probably not recognized him yet.

He manages to shake his head softly, hoping to fend Luhan off the roof one way or the other. Instead, to Sehun’s greatest horror, the older steps forward and takes a spot a couple feet away from Sehun, gripping the railing with both hands.

They stand there, both silent as they let the cars underneath them talk instead of either of them saying a word. Sehun spares a slight glance at Luhan, and he feels his entire body ache and warm up at the same time. He so desperately wants to walk over and let the older slip a hand around his waist while they both watch the lights bounce from building to building, exchanging kisses and laughter in the dark. He imagines that that would probably be happening right now if it weren’t for the elder his departure from the group, and Sehun’s chest aches just thinking about it.

Luhan is the one who breaks the silence after a few minutes, turning his gaze towards Sehun, unsuspecting of anything until his voice dies in his throat, finally realizing who was standing there.

‘’sehun-ah?’’ to Sehun, it’s barely audible, the noise from inside the arena and people yelling on the sidewalk interfering with his sense of hearing, but he manages to catch it. To his surprise, Luhan’s voice hasn’t changed a lot. He had suspected that with age, Luhan’s voice would grow a little scruffier, a little deeper, but it’s basically the same.

It still has the same effect on Sehun’s body, too.

Sehun shivers, slowly turning his gaze from the buildings to Luhan. His throat clenches shut as he makes eye contact with Luhan, so he has to opt for nodding instead. Luhan stays quiet for a second, seemingly deep in thought before he opens his mouth again.

‘’how have you been?’’

Sehun’s blood boils. He can feel his hands start to shake, his vision turning blurred. He bites his lip in order to keep himself from screaming, but it’s hard. Sehun confessed to Luhan and they shared so much together, and even though Sehun knew the hardships Luhan was experiencing the older of the two never said a thing about leaving, before he actually did and left Sehun with nothing to hold onto. For him to ask how he’s been without any sort of emotion in his voice, breaks Sehun’s heart and angers him at the same time.

Sehun’s breath hitches as Luhan takes a step towards him, his grip on the railing tightening until his knuckles turn white. The older looks at him expectantly, even doing as much as tilting his head to the side with confusion on his side.

‘’I’ve been alright,’’ Sehun eventually manages, completely disregarding his devastated set of mind for the past five years. ‘’how about you?’’ he asks, knowing the answer by heart. Luhan had been doing great, his new album hitting the charts at number two, his dramas and movies doing even better.

‘’I’ve been okay.’’ A silence falls after that, the two of them just staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. Sehun eventually turns his head, his body answering after a few moments of protest as his heart clenches at the thought of leaving Luhan once again.

Before Sehun’s heart can stop him, however, his logic takes over and makes him walk away from Luhan, effectively walking away from the only opportunity he had gotten in years to talk to the older.

‘’wait, Sehun!’’ Luhan begs, and for a second Sehun stops walking. He halts his steps, only for them to continue. He purses his lips in a tight line, clenching his hands into fists to make sure he doesn’t let Luhan’s soft voice turn him around, and opens his mouth.

‘’I waited. Not anymore.’’ He musters out, his voice shaky. Sehun grabs the iron door handle, ready to pull open the door and walk away from Luhan, but he stops when a soft hand wraps itself around Sehun’s left wrist.

‘’Sehun, please.’’ Luhan sounds terrifyingly devastated, and Sehun has to urge himself to open the door, pulling his arm out of Luhan’s hold.

‘’Sehu-‘’

‘’No!’’ Sehun yells. He turns around, startling Luhan. Tears brim his eyes and for a second Sehun has to stop, biting his lip to will away the tears that are threatening to spill. If he doesn’t stop, Luhan will see him cry and he can’t have that. Not after five years of crying alone.

‘’I waited for you, for five years. I waited for a phone call, a message for gods sake maybe even a fucking email! But, they never came. Jongin-hyung was forced to pick up the pieces of my heart, the one that you smashed on the floor the second you left us, the second you left me. Did you even think?! Did you even process that I loved you?! That you were hurting me? Did I even cross your fucking mind? Or was I just a toy for you to play with, until you were bored of me?’’ Sehun yells, losing it. He watches as Luhan’s mouth drops open, his eyes in shock. Sehun brushes his hands across his face, wiping away the tears that were spilling.

‘’you lo-loved me?’’ Luhan whispers, his eyes now searching for Sehun. Sehun lets his shoulders fall, tears still spilling from his eyes as he nods.

‘’yes, I did. But that doesn’t matter anymore, does it?’’ and with that, Sehun walks out the door, leaving a confused and broken Luhan on the rooftop.

 

‘’sehun? Is everything alright?’’ a worried looking Baekhyun asks as Sehun barges into the hall, on the look out for Jongin, and runs into Baekhyun and Chanyeol talking to Minho and Taemin. Sehun knows that he must look like a mess, tears still streaming down his face and his fists clenching at his sides, but he nods, pushing through the crowd to find Jongin.

He hears Chanyeol yell after him, but doesn’t stop walking until he spots the older sitting at the bar, seemingly conversating with NCT’s Johnny. While Johnny has a perfect view of Sehun walking towards them, Sehun doesn’t wave. He only places a hand on Jongin’s shoulder, hoping the older can feel his distress fuming through his body.

‘’Hyung? Is everything okay?’’ Johnny asks, and once again Sehun nods. Jongin turns around, his smile immediately faltering as he sees Sehun. ‘’can I talk to you for a second?’’ Sehun asks, and Jongin is out of his chair in a second.

‘’what’s going on?’’ Jongin leads them towards a side door, opening it and revealing a men’s bathroom. Sehun immediately slumps against the closest wall, the cold of the tiles barely reaching his body through his suit.

‘’Luhan talked to me.’’ He eventually says, his voice low and broken. Jongin gasps and balls a fist, the other hand caressing Sehun’s back to try and comfort him. Sehun sighs, leaning his head back against the wall.

He lets out a sob, soon followed by another one and after that, there’s no stopping the waterfalls from streaming down his face. ‘’what did he say?’’ Jongin asks, his voice as soft as a whisper. Sehun shakes his head, trying to hold back a sob so he can talk.

‘’he a-asked m-me ho-how I had be-been.’’ He whimpers, his heart clenching as he remembers Luhan’s face filled with shock, and another emotion Sehun couldn’t quite recognize. ‘’and? Anything else?’’ Jongin pushes, and Sehun knows he’s just trying to find out why Sehun is sobbing so much, but the maknae can’t find it in himself to talk.

So, he shakes his head. ‘’I want to go home.’’

=

‘’You know what, I think you should call him.’’ Jongdae’s words make Sehun jump, and the younger groans. He turns in his chair at his desk to look at the older, and shakes his head. Jongdae shrugs, ‘’stop moping around then, big baby.’’ And with that, he walks out of Sehun’s room again.

After Sehun’s ‘episode’ -Jongin’s words-, the older decided that telling the other members about the whole situation would be best, because they had all seen Sehun crying on their way back home. Trying to keep it a secret was hard anyway, because Baekhyun wanted to know what happened almost immediately.

Jongin had done most of the talking though, Sehun in all sorts of disarray. After Jongin had finished, the entire band fell silent for a while, until Chanyeol opened his mouth. ‘’well, he’s a dick.’’

Now, three weeks, a lot of moping on Sehun’s part and the rest of the members either giving advice or watching Sehun fall apart because they don’t know how to help, later Sehun still has absolutely no idea on what to do.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to call Luhan, talk to him and work things out. Sehun just feels that Luhan couldn’t care less. After leaving him for five years without a word, it would be the only logical explanation; Luhan doesn’t care. And it doesn’t matter to Sehun how much the members try to prove him otherwise, no one can change his mind.

Sehun misses Minseok, because he always knows what to do.

Sehun sighs, getting up from his chair and walks out of his bedroom into the hallway of the house. Walking down the hallway and down the stairs, he’s met with a full living room. Everyone is seated at the television, their copious spare time currently dedicated to watching Kyungsoo’s newest drama episode.

‘’You look amazing hyung.’’ Jongin comments, turning to look at Kyungsoo from where he’s seated on the floor. Jongdae and Chanyeol chime in to agree, and Sehun smiles. Who cares about Luhan when you have an amazing family to take care of you?

Sehun decided to drop his moping act for a bit and drops himself on the couch in between Yixing and Junmyeon. Junmyeon smiles at him, and Yixing immediately wraps his arm around Sehun’s shoulder, leading to Sehun being wrapped up in a cuddle while the drama plays in the background.

With Yixing carefully petting Sehun’s hair and Junmyeon drawing comforting circles on the maknae his thigh, it doesn’t take long until Sehun falls asleep.

 

The youngest awakens due to soft chatter around him, his head now on someone’s lap. Sehun is about to open his eyes and mouth to say something when Chanyeol speaks,

‘’Do you really think this is going to work?’’ the concern in his voice is something Sehun doesn’t get to hear often, and shivers roll down his spine at the mention of a secret plan Sehun knows absolutely nothing about.

‘’I have no idea, but I just hope they can talk things out because Sehun-ah is moping way too much.’’ Baekhyun cuts in, and it takes quite a lot of self-restraint on Sehun’s behalf to not snap up and defend himself, his curiousness for the so called ‘plan’ outweighing his sense of self-pity.

‘’he’s going to freak out, though.’’ Jongdae continues, and Kyungsoo groans at that.

‘’I would too, but this is the only thing I can think of that might work.’’ Kyungsoo then says, and Sehun doesn’t have to have his eyes open to know that his members are nodding in agreement.

‘’and Luhan-hyung agreed to this?’’ Sehun’s breath almost hitches at the mention of Luhan’s name, his heart constricting.

‘’yup.’’ Sehun inwardly frowns. Why would Luhan agree to meeting Sehun? It’s not like the older would care even in the slightest.

‘’should we wake him up, then?’’ Sehun hears Yixing’s voice from up close, resulting in him knowing that he’s laying on his lap. The youngest of the group tries to even his breath to make sure that they wouldn’t notice that he had heard everything, and it seems to work as he feels a hand subtly poking his shoulder.

‘’sehunnie?’’ Junmyeon whispers, and Sehun pretends to stir awake, slowly opening one eye to look around, hoping his act is convincing enough.

‘’what should we order for dinner? We can’t decide.’’ Sehun knows it’s a ruse, a smart trick, but he plays along anyway. ‘’I could go for some Thai food.’’ He says, his voice groggy from just waking up. Baekhyun and Chanyeol play along perfectly, high fiving and pretending that that is what they wanted to order too.

‘’I’ll go order.’’

After Junmyeon orders the food, Sehun walks back to his room. he plops down on his bed, his head buried in his pillows. Does he want to meet with Luhan? Does he want to look the elder in the eye and listen to why the older left? Does he really want to know the harsh truth, while being in the dark gives him the false hope that Luhan did care about him, even if it was the tiniest amount?

Sehun knows his members are just trying to be good friends, trying to get Sehun out of his slope of self-pity, but he doesn’t believe that him talking to Luhan only for the older to tell him that he simply _doesn’t care_ isn’t going to help.

He ends up laying on his bed until he hears a soft knock on the door. Not thinking any of it, he mumbles a ‘come in’, expecting Baekhyun or someone else to come and get him for food. Sehun hears his door opening and closing, though, without anyone saying anything. He frowns and is about to turn his head to look at who just came in, before the bed dips.

A soft hand is placed on top of Sehun’s, and Sehun gasps. A warmth he only felt for one other person spreads through his entire body, the others touch leaving a trail of heat in its way as it scooted up to Sehun’s shoulder.

Sehun hears Luhan sigh, and for a second Sehun just wants to lay there, leaving Luhan to touch and feel and caress him because that’s what he has craved for the past few years but he knows he can’t. he knows he can’t, and that’s why he scoots further onto the bed, effectively dropping the hand from his shoulder.

Luhan sighs and Sehun can hear the frustration in the older’ voice, and for a second, the younger wants to jump up and engulf Luhan in a hug, but once again, he won’t allow himself to do so.

‘’Sehun-ah?’’ Luhan’s words make Sehun’s heart clench, the sadness and thick regret of the elders tone of voice hitting Sehun right where it’s supposed to.

‘’what.’’ Sehun replies, whole heartedly trying to mask the relief he feels from simply knowing that Luhan is also hurt by all of this.

‘’can we talk?’’ it’s as soft as a whisper and Sehun almost misses it. For the first time since Luhan had entered the room, Sehun looks up and looks at Luhan. The older is wearing skinny jeans that cling to his legs perfectly, an oversized hoodie adorning his torso but what scares Sehun is the older his face and hair.

His cheeks are slightly hollowed, the bags under his eyes framing his face in all the negative ways of the word. His hair is down and soft on his head, but Sehun can see that it hasn’t been washed in a while.

Sehun sucks in a breath, softly sitting up, his gaze locked on Luhan.

‘’yeah.’’ Sehun surprises himself, but doesn’t regret it. He sits back, his back now rested against the head of his bed. His eyes fixate on Luhan, who turns his body to Sehun fully.

‘’really?’’ Sehun nods, fighting back the urge to grab a hold of Luhan’s hand because the otherwise witty and cocky male turned into someone Sehun had never seen before, and never wanted to see again. All because of him.

‘’I should start at the beginning then,’’ Luhan shifts, kicking his legs onto the bed and crossing them. Sehun feels his body burn in anticipation and adoration when their feet touch, and he softly smiles to himself.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ Luhan continues, and Sehun looks up. ‘’wh-‘’

‘’No, Sehun, please let me talk. What I did was terrible, leaving like that and pretending that what we had didn’t matter anymore. The truth is, Sehun, that I loved you. I loved you so much, and it scared me. I was scared you weren’t going to love me after I left, so I decided to cut you off from everything. I decided that I was going to have to get used to not having you around, and cutting you off before you could break up with me was my best bet, or so I thought.’’ Sehun lets the words sink in, a silence falling over the duo.

Luhan cut off contact with him because he was in love with him? how does that make any sense? Sehun shakes his head, and no matter how much his heart was beating in his chest and his hands were craving to wrap themselves around Luhan’s neck and kiss the boy crazy, he didn’t and stopped himself.

‘’you were in love with me?’’ Luhan nods, his head now leaning on his hands as he hid it.

‘’I would have never stopped liking you after you left. In fact, I never fucking did.’’ Sehun his voice is soft, his words carrying themselves through the tense air in between the two men.

‘’I realise I’m an asshole for thinking that someone like you would ever do that. I’ve followed you ever since I left. Always watched your interviews, kept an eye on you during award shows. I knew I couldn’t just walk up to you after what I had done, so I kept my distance even after I realized how bad my decision had been.’’ Luhan explains, and Sehun shakes his head. He feels a weight lifting from his chest, and he feels like he’s finally able to breathe again.

He knows that he might be forgiving Luhan a little too fast, but his heart is beating so fast and his mind is clouded with wanting to feel Luhan’s lips on his again after such a long time, and Sehun quite frankly doesn’t care anymore.

‘’why now, hyung?’’ Sehun asks, scooting a little closer to Luhan. The older of the two smiles at the honorific being used again. Sehun smiles too, Luhan’s smile contagious.

‘’after giving Junmyeon the award I watched you guys on stage and I knew that that was a sign. That’s why I followed you to the terrace that night.’’ Sehun shakes his head, recalling the mental breakdown that had followed from that encounter to the detail.

‘’I’m sorry I yelled at you.’’ Luhan shakes his head at Sehun.

‘’you had every right to yell at me, and still do. I’m surprised you’re talking to me right now.’’ Sehun shrugs at that, not completely sure as to why he’s talking and forgiving Luhan himself.

‘’so, what now?’’ Sehun asks, bowing his head again to fiddle with his shirt. Luhan lets out a breath, and he shrugs.

‘’Where do you want to start?’’ Sehun raises his head to look at Luhan. So many suggestions cross his mind; _kiss_ me, _fuck_ me, _love_ me, take me out on a date. But he can’t seem to find one that fits right. Sitting here with Luhan brings Sehun such comfort, so much happiness, as if though the last five years hadn’t happened.

As if Luhan wasn’t once the cause of Sehun’s misery.

‘’can we start where we left off?’’ Sehun’s request seems to catch Luhan off guard for a second, the older of the two frowning, but then smiling.

‘’we can try.’’ Sehun smiles at that, and lets Luhan scoot closer. The elder opens his arms wide open and it doesn’t take much more for Sehun to dive in his arms, embracing Luhan. He breaths in, the scent of fresh cut grass, pine trees, Luhan’s cologne and just so incredibly authentically Luhan entering his nostrils. It calms him down almost immediately, and he sighs.

‘’I missed you, Luhan-hyung.’’ He then says, slowly pulling back from the embrace. Luhan sighs, the sadness of losing five years still in his eyes, but a new glint of hope and happiness overpowering it. He places their foreheads together and closes his eyes, making Sehun do the same.

‘’I missed you more, Sehunnie.’’

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you all enjoyed! i will be writing more exo and different ships, please look forward to them! 
> 
> thank you for reading! comments and kudos are always appreciated (i read comments late at night to make myself smile pls leave something i beg of u)
> 
> [My Twitter](https://twitter.com/softyjseo) x d.


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